Where is the nearest public restroom in the pedestrian mall
Where is the best public restroom that I can use?

Is it at the university? I don’t wanna go there
Their toilets are trigger-happy with the automatic flush
No machine is telling me when it’s time to leave
I’ll leave when I’m done crying

What about the library? I don’t wanna go there
Their stall doors don’t go all the way to the floor
What if someone’s face appears in the gap? What if someone tries to grab my leg?
What if I see horses hooves walking past?

Where is the nearest public restroom in the pedestrian mall
Where is the best public restroom that I can use?

Is it at Cortada coffee? Well theirs are pretty good
You get the room to yourself, and I like their gender-neutral signs
But sometime the door looks like it’s locked when in fact it isn’t locked
Now I can’t go there any more

What about Prairie Lights bookstore? Well theirs is also pretty good
You get the room to yourself and the lock is like a fortress
But there’s graffiti in places you wouldn’t expect
Why do poetry grad students always do that

Where is the nearest public restroom in the pedestrian mall
Where is the best public restroom that I can use?

Is it at the Java House? That’s a good option,
But once when I was in there washing my hands
Another guy used the urinal and then he looked at me
And said “I’m not gonna wash my hands. And then I’m gonna touch a girl’s face”

I would say, in first place
Poindexter coffee at the graduate hotel
You are a hotel